Its that time of the year when the holiday season kicks off in earnest and we start to feel the ripping effect of having our hard earned cash stolen..no...mugged from us as soon as we leave the house.

As we go down the Motorway, oh dear we need a little more petrol so theres a Service Station......to find that petrol on these sites is about 10p a litre MORE than your local one! Why ? Because the thieving bastards know you have no choice. So then you walk in to get a coffee and a sandwich.....a friend and I returned very late from a trip to Amsterdam and pulled into a mWay service station at Cannock (South Bound ) to be charged £17.60 for 2 coffees and 2 stale rolls! Dont these half wits realise that once bitten people will not go there again ? I suppose not.

But......worse is to come! The Airport arrives! short term or long term parking ? Hmm lets see Short term parking..... Only £120 for 5 days! wow what a bargain! Mugged again! Its best to park close to the airport at a normal car park and get a taxi to the airport and leave these thieving bastards to rot in their own car parks where sometimes you come back and find your car has been broken into anyway. And when you complain out comes a surly Gorilla saying they are not responsible unless you took out the extortionate charge for Insurance ! oh and by the way......if you are just a few minutes late to collect your car...they are further astronomical charges to pay!

After that you enter the Airport and the first place to get you spanked badly is the customs and passport control....if you have any water ( or any liquid over 100cc) they confiscate it ! But guess what ......you can buy it again once you go through customs at an extortionate price compared to what you pay in the high street! I am sure Customs must flog these bottles back to the retailers afterwards! This of course is in the interests of Safety! Bloody bollocks! Just another excuse to make you feel shitty before you leave the country.

Take some empty bottles next time and fill them up in the loos!

Bring plenty of food from home with you so that you dont pay £15 for a ham roll! ( That has been on display for 2 weeks usually) served up by a rude unwashed freak who graduated from charm school at Borstal. Even the well known retailers like M&S and others DOUBLE the price of sandwiches and edible commodities here.....another place where you have no choice... so dont buy it! Take your own sandwiches with you. Once the turnover drops considerably, they may learn their lesson....but I dont think so as greed is paramount.

AAhh now to Duty Free! Yummy! Some bargains to be had you think ? NO not at all...dont forget its duty free but not profit free! In fact almost EVERY thing on sale is cheaper in one of the discount stores in your local high street rather than here. Its not like it used to be and any savings you do make is very minimal.
And make sure you take some clear plastic bags with you as the Customs & Excise are going to charge for them in future so that you can needlessly put your bottles in them for no apparent reason except to satisfy their
stupidity in thinking its for 'safety against terrorism' ! Another load of bollocks! As is taking off your shoes as whenever I have taken them off they have hardly looked at them anyway!

AAhh at last its time to check in......to find your 2 lbs over in your baggage allowance...well thats another extortionate charge heading your way! The worst is RyanAir as they charge for everything! including not having any luggage at all!

By the time you take off, the money in your pocket had already been thieved to such an extent its almost cost you the holiday!

There is a good reason the World describes us as Rip - Off Great Britain!

Amsterdam is made up of about 1 and a half million people from about 173 nationalities. It is a 24 hour city as it seems that everything is open all the time! The first sight and feel as you arrive is the glut of bicycles - over 600,000! Most mornings if you are up early enough , you can watch all the stolen ones being fished out of the canals. So...Dont leave your bike unattended or unlocked ! This city has on average about 15 million visitors a day!

To Tourists this is the land of Tulips, Wooden shoes and Cheese, however the Dutch are not fooled as they know you have come for the drugs and the ladies in the windows in the Red Light District.Both are freely available in huge quantities and are very easy to find. Ask any Dutch person, 6 years or older! lol

All Dutch people speak excellent English but sometimes you may hear words that sound like dutch and make some sense to you,These are normally British or German Tourists.

The Walletjes area is where you will find the naughty windows with some very young and very lovely women who are available for set prices for a short while. But be aware!...That lovely and beautiful slim Asian with the great body is quite often....a boy! Cameras are not tolerated as you will find out if you point it at any of them when a big gorilla suddenly appears and takes it off you! There is seldom any trouble here as it is tightly controlled and is safe. Voorburgwal and Achterburgwal are where the main windows are sited. Along this stretch you will also find the live sex shows that are popular with tourists,and are full most of the time. The sex museum is situated in Damrak and is worth the 2.5 euros entrance fee.
Amsterdam of course is famous for its Gay community which you cant avoid as it is openly displayed everywhere. There are numerous cinemas and Saunas catering to every deviance imaginable. here sticking a finger in a dike has other connotations! Double Dutch also takes on a new meaning! lol

As you walk along the numerous canals, especially in the Red light Area, you will suddenly be joined by an amiable black person who cheerfully asks you if you want some drugs, if you say no, he will ask you why not ? and if you insist you don't want any off him, he will suddenly start abusing you. Take no notice and walk away, it very rarely amounts to anything but soft intimidation. If you are foolish enough to say yes to him, you will walk away with not what is cocaine but a wrap of glucose or sugar or some other concoction. These crooks are everywhere and rely on your naivety to fill their wallets up. If you want drugs ask the doorman at your hotel and it will be delivered to your room in safety.
Never buy on the street. Drug related deaths in Holland are the lowest in Europe and although the hard ones like Cocaine and heroin are still illegal, the police turn a blind eye if you have less than 7 grammes on you. There are of course 'Brown' shops, which are cafes selling various forms of marijuana and have a menu on the table as you sit down. This is legal but again very tightly controlled. You may find these 'shops' easily as the customers sitting inside are usually looking up at the ceiling watching the flying elephants playing a game of football, with large spliffs in their mouth! Very few Dutch are addicts as because everything is freely available, they don't want it! The glamour is waned and there is no rush to get stoned as its boring to them. Britain should learn from this place.

The best thing about Amsterdam is the numerous cultural places available that are free. Rembrandt's 'Nightwatch' is free to see in the Rembrandt Museum.There is also Anne Franks House which you do have to pay for but cant be missed. A trip on the barges is worthwhile once, as you will pass the Cats hotel, a barge that houses homeless cats! There are a lot of markets including the famous flower market near the Munt Tower. My favourite is the Waterloo Square market ( Flea Market) which is mainly 2nd hand goods but in good condition and a tenth of what it would cost in the shops! If you are a porn person, heres the place to increase your collection as its 10 for the price of one in the shops! lol But they are amazing antiques on sale here.
The Arctic Zoo is fantastic and will keep you occupied for most of the day especially the marine section which is housed in a huge building.

A nice walk to take in most of the sights would be to walk up Damrak Square and turn left into Rokin and walk down to the Munt Tower, from there you can walk to Leidsplein, where there is always street performers plying their trade and amusing the throngs of appreciating tourists.
There a huge array of eating houses supplying many different types of world dishes but my favourite is the Argentinian meat restaurants, especially the one in the street at the side of The Krasnapolsky hotel,Gauchos, run by Indians! lol There you can get a set steak meal for less than £6 per head.

Holland has a very low crime index, probably because here fewer things are considered a crime lol As in England though, exceeding the speed limit in your car brings a huge amount of attention and a considerable fine.

The Dutch are proud of their country and their brave fight against the Germans in the last war. They will point out that they always come second in everything including every war they have fought! lol The national football team has won more medals for being runner up than any other nation and even if they failed to win more Gold medals in the Olympics, they have at least the satisfaction of knowing they supplied all the drugs to the countries that did! Which is enough to make them proud to be a Hollander!
This a fascinating and very worthwhile City but as everywhere, have your wits about you.....a fool and his money are easily parted and this City certainly puts you to the test!

Tesco, the giant UK retailer, has been forced to remove a pole-dancing kit from the toys and games section of its website. Fantastic! A spokesman for Tesco says: "Pole dancing is an increasing exercise craze. This item is for people who want to improve their fitness and have fun at the same time."

But only if you're under 4 foot tall, !
The "Peek-A-Boo" Pole Dancing Kit was moved to the childrens "fitness" section at Tesco, in case you know some 6 year old in need of earning cash for her boyfriend. Wow!
Isnt this more dangerous than leaving it where it was ?

All photographs are copyright and may not be reproduced or published without prior permission from Robert Ashley-Wright at
rawrobert@gmail.com

One of the locals showing off!

Thats me on the left! Duh!

My first visit to Turkey was in the 70's where I was treated to having my Volkswagen Camping bus hi-jacked by 3 thugs (NOT Turks!) in Istanbul. I hated the place and could not make head or tail of the language and therefore found it infuriating! I was immediately accused by the Turkish Police of selling the vehicle and thrown into a cell overnight. The British Consulate freed me the next day when my vehicle was recovered in a suburb. Not having learnt my lesson, I then picked up 4 hitchhikers (2 Dutch , 1 South African and 1 Swiss) and the intention was to share the petrol and travel costs between us going overland to India.
To cut a very long story short, it was November and once you reach the Taurus mountains it was about -20 degrees!And plenty of snow everywhere! The vehicle slipped off a road and overturned leaving me unconscious in a place called Sivas.I awoke to find the Sivas police pulling me out of the vehicle and was wearing a leather coat the Dutch couple were carrying that had a note inside the pocket to say ' Sorry but you need this coat in this weather and we need some of your money, you are ok and we will inform the local police that we crashed.We both wish you well!' Thanks! Whoever you are! It was a fair exchange as I didnt have much money anyway!! lol
To cut a very very long story short, I ended up in Ankara and got a job teaching English at the Middle east technical University working in the 'Hazirlik Okul'( prep school).It lasted for 2 years! And thereon Turkey became a magical place for me as I learned the language so well that I could pass for a Turk!It was also the place where I really did fall in love for the very first time with a very beautiful Turkish girl ( Eser Bozoklar..Wherever you are.....Hello!!!)

SIDE
When I first visited Antalya I went to a little place called Side, which consisted of just one lokanta (restaurant) and 1 pansyion! Today there is a mass of Holiday hotels stretching miles! Wish I had taken up the offer of buying one in 1982 for £15,000!! Side is about 80Km from the Airport at Antalya and you can either take a Taxi which should cost you no more than about £15. Ok if there are 4 of you but otherwise go to the bus station and get a ticket from there (including refreshments and a snack!) for about £2.
Side today is a tourist trap with plenty of wily Turks to relieve you of any Lira you may have in your pocket. There are constant arm pulling and cajoling you to enter various shops to buy inferior merchandise at vastly inflated prices! In fact it can be very annoying and may stretch your temper to extremes at times when you are accosted about 60 times within a stretch of 200 yards .Best not to lose your temper though and politely walk away while being abused in Turkish and English too as all of them speak it!! Lol
Just nod your head while raising your eyebrows at the attackers and say 'YOKE!'......they will soon leave you alone as they think you can speak Turkish and know they are trying to con you! Lol
There are 2 main beaches in Side and the better one for swimming and snorkelling is 'Buyuk Plage' (Big Beach) where the water is superb and if you are clever enough to take a little bread in with you, hordes of fish will eat out of your hands!
The water is very calm and very warm!! It is one of my most favourite places in the world for swimming and relaxing on the beach.
An attended sunbed will cost you about £2 for the entire day and you will be waited upon and brought cold drinks and food throughout the day at any time you want to click your fingers!! Lol
Side also has a good museum which has the ‘Three Graces’ quite a famous Roman piece and also the Roman Arena from which you can get panoramic views of the Town.
If you want to shop for bargains, go to Manavghat about 5 miles away in a Dolmus, a communal taxivan which costs 50p. There are many markets there but be careful of the watch sellers as they will not only sell you fakes (acceptable) but even worse may accuse you of stealing as well! Be careful!

The only place I now like in SIDE is the Buyuk Plage as there if you close your eyes, the sound of the sea and the heat of the sun has not changed over the years. The local population has turned from hospitable and caring folk to the younger money grabbing,insolent,aggressive,abusive, brash,interfering,pompous and self-righteous idiots who manhandle you as you walk down the main street, trying to push you into their shops to buy total crap at exorbitant prices. There are plenty of prostitutes here too, which is against the national religion of Islam, but money speaks louder than anything else here now. As in the rest of Turkey, western women are likely to be 'touched up' as they walk along, with a partner or not, giving the wrong impression that most Turks are sexually frustrated. This is not true as most cities and villages have a state run brothel called the 'Khiraane' that put will cost a Turk .75p a go at any females of their choice working in the compounds. DONT ask where it is as they dont officially exist when a foreigner asks and you will be met with a wall of silence!
Side is ok for a few days as the location is good for hiring a car and exploring but best to move on to Alanya or Antalya itself which is a very beautiful city, especially the harbour.

Hi ! I have travelled all over the World and intend to let you know the ins and outs of cheap travel and special places to visit!
Also the danger spots, where to watch out for yourself and where not to
Carry any money, cameras etc!!

Tomorrow I will write about one of my favourite places in the world....Antalya in Turkey.

Laid bare and uncut without anything hidden. naughty parts and nice parts and everything you probably didnt know! Hope they let me back! lol