Antalya Airport has not changed one bit since I was last here 4 years ago. You still have to queue up to give them a 'Tourist visa' charge of £10 (Euros, Dollars and Sterling only!) but this time we went through very quickly.

At the onset, my knowledge of the Turkish language came in very handy as English is still spoken on a very limited basis. German is more widespread but as I speak both was comfortable that no communication problems would ensue.

After about an hour and a half's drive, we arrived in Side (after a forced stop en-route for 'refreshments', the first opportunity to get robbed with overpriced goods on offer.) The transport company then couldn't find the hotel! Lol

THE GUVEN HOTEL, SIDE   
 The View from the breakfast table

 After reading some very damaging reports on this hotel, I was more than a little anxious on arriving here. We arrived at about 6am and the owners got out of bed to give us the keys to Room 21, a nice room with a wonderful view of the sea.

The critical views on the internet I read on Expedia and Travel Adviser made me a little wary of coming here, but as I knew the location, it was ideal for where I wanted to go.

I was pleasantly surprised at seeing a clean room with a wonderful view of the sea from the balcony…Room 21.

 
The view from the balcony in Room 21
The owners Emine and Murat were very welcoming but without being intrusive and interfering. The adequate breakfast was a joy to have on the terrace as the view was utterly fantastic. After getting to know them a little they become helpful and we spent some nights just drinking and eating into the early hours with them and Ali, another Turk staying there. In fact their friendliness made the holiday and I would definitely go back there again.

 
  Emine and Murat, the owners of the Guven

The location of the Hotel is directly on the seafront and if you go to the left as you leave, the Big Beach is only 5 minutes walk away. If you go right, the small beach and the town centre and harbour is only 3 minutes away.

This is a 3 star hotel so expect no frills and facilities. The bedroom linen was changed daily and it was clean. But beware….get up early and use the hot water left over from the previous day’s solar heating to have a shower as after it’s gone, it’s cold! After midday it’s hot again Lol.

The food here is adequate and Fabree the Chef conjured up a nice pepper sauce complete with fresh chillies with a flattened steak.

For a budget holiday without too many frills but an extremely friendly ambiance, I would thoroughly recommend this hotel.

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The Big beach with the Dunes and Ruins hasn’t changed in 30 years except for a massive influx of sun beds! The Turkish lads still come and get you cold drinks and food as you lie on your sun lounger relaxing in the hot sun, taking frequent dips into a very warm and clear sea. In July I think it may be a little too hot for most sensitive skins from the UK as its very easy to burn unless you originally protect yourself with factor 35 sun cream!  The best months here are September and October as the heat is still strong but not scorching. The price of cokes and food on the beach is a little expensive for us in the UK due to the bad exchange rate for £Sterling.

Camel Ali's Camels !

On the way back to the town beware of Camel Ali the fresh orange man with 4 camels! He will amiably give you a freshly squeezed orange drink and then ask you pay double or treble than what you can get it for in the town! Lol Don’t give him more than 2 Liras for a single drink! However he is a very friendly and genuine man once you get to know him and will treat you with genuine respect once you show him that you are not an idiot! Lol

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The quaint little town has not changed much but the main street has a huge influx of tourists during the evening, mainly German and Russian Tourists who appear to be easily fleeced. The prices are mainly displayed in Euros which made me a little angry as the official currency here is Turkish Lire. Why do the Germans always spoil everything for everyone by giving them Euros? This means that the prices are now double or treble what they used to be…..and as they are given these prices without any query, they have managed to make the rich Turks who have shops here, even richer.

The restaurants in the Harbour area tend to charge sky high prices so beware!

The sunsets in Side are absolutely stunning and a lot of good photos can be taken from the ruins of the Roman Columns of Dionysus, a short walk from the harbour.

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The Emir Bistro on Laylak Sokak, Side

I first visited this Restaurant 4 years ago. and once eating there, it’s like a drug as you keep going back. The food is absolutely fantastic value for money as the price quoted includes a starter and a desert! It is very well cooked and while waiting, Charlie the dog entertains everyone as he attacks any passing bikes or barks at anyone in a uniform. He had two policemen up against a wall while we were eating our freshly cooked steaks….what a fabulous cabaret! Having said that he is very friendly and not aggressive at all but I think he is a local character that is loved and tolerated as he has never bitten anyone ever! Lol

Don’t come to Side and NOT have a meal here as you will regret it! A fantastic menu and everything is cooked fresh! Our last meal was a mixed grill (photo) which cost us 20.-TL each (£4). The drinks were extra but not expensive as elsewhere.

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Trip to Manavgat

Take the Tractor train to the Dolmus stop and from there a fare of 1.75-TL will take you all the way to the centre of Manavgat. A Dolmus is a shared minibus which tends to get very crowded so be prepared for a lot of different smells emanating from the different races and colours all sweating in the hot sun! Hahahaha !!!

Quite often a Turk sitting in the back will give you money which in turn you pass to the driver to pay him. An Old German gentleman was standing near the front and every time someone gave him money to pass to the driver, he said thank you and put it in his own pocket! After a lot of shouting he eventually coughed up with the gelt and gave it to the driver! A wise move, as Turks are not known to appreciate this particular type of humour!

Get off the Dolmus when you see a bridge and a river and walk down the side street and it will lead you to an open market. Best day is Thursday.

A ride down the river can be taken from a number of boats that can take you up river, as far as the small waterfall (photo) and then continue by bus to the big waterfall (photo). It is a worthwhile trip. Alternatively you can go down river to the sea.

If you walk back over the bridge and cross the road to the Fish market, there is a small restaurant on the corner which serves authentic Turkish cuisine. I first went there 30 years ago when it was a busy regional bus station and I was a very young 20 years old! Its still there, so it must be good!!

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I am stayıng at the Guven Hotel rıght opposıte the sea and the weather ıs marvellous at 40 degrees ın the shade and I have already been burnt to a frazzle!

After readıng the revıews on thıs hotel whıch gave ıt a poor ratıng,I was pleasantly surprısed at the warm welcome and fantastıc servıce I am receıvıng from the new Owners, Emıne and Murat!

Thıs hotel ıs 5 mınutes walk from the Bıg Beach (My favourıte spot to swım) and 3 mınutes from the tıny beach ın the centre of town, So ıt ıs an ıdeal and splendıd locatıon !

I was treated to a lovely Peppersteak made by Fabree the chef whıch ıncluded fresh peppers!!!! Made a bıg dıfference. IT cost 36 TL for both of us. AND ıt was DELICIOUS!

More when I return wıth photos of upto date Sıde and a more ın depth revıew !

Got to Go...............Clear Blue waters of the Sea and Sand awaıt!

Thanks to Alı from Alanya for ınterpretıng to the owners on some of the words I had forgotten ın Turkısh! Tesekur Ederım Alı!

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As we go down the Motorway, oh dear we need a little more petrol so theres a Service Station......to find that petrol on these sites is about 10p a litre MORE than your local one! Why ? Because the thieving bastards know you have no choice. So then you walk in to get a coffee and a sandwich.....a friend and I returned very late from a trip to Amsterdam and pulled into a mWay service station at Cannock (South Bound ) to be charged £17.60 for 2 coffees and 2 stale rolls! Dont these half wits realise that once bitten people will not go there again ? I suppose not.

But......worse is to come! The Airport arrives! short term or long term parking ? Hmm lets see Short term parking..... Only £120 for 5 days! wow what a bargain! Mugged again! Its best to park close to the airport at a normal car park and get a taxi to the airport and leave these thieving bastards to rot in their own car parks where sometimes you come back and find your car has been broken into anyway. And when you complain out comes a surly Gorilla saying they are not responsible unless you took out the extortionate charge for Insurance ! oh and by the way......if you are just a few minutes late to collect your car...they are further astronomical charges to pay!

After that you enter the Airport and the first place to get you spanked badly is the customs and passport control....if you have any water ( or any liquid over 100cc) they confiscate it ! But guess what ......you can buy it again once you go through customs at an extortionate price compared to what you pay in the high street! I am sure Customs must flog these bottles back to the retailers afterwards! This of course is in the interests of Safety! Bloody bollocks! Just another excuse to make you feel shitty before you leave the country.

Take some empty bottles next time and fill them up in the loos!

Bring plenty of food from home with you so that you dont pay £15 for a ham roll! ( That has been on display for 2 weeks usually) served up by a rude unwashed freak who graduated from charm school at Borstal. Even the well known retailers like M&S and others DOUBLE the price of sandwiches and edible commodities here.....another place where you have no choice... so dont buy it! Take your own sandwiches with you. Once the turnover drops considerably, they may learn their lesson....but I dont think so as greed is paramount.

AAhh now to Duty Free! Yummy! Some bargains to be had you think ? NO not at all...dont forget its duty free but not profit free! In fact almost EVERY thing on sale is cheaper in one of the discount stores in your local high street rather than here. Its not like it used to be and any savings you do make is very minimal.
And make sure you take some clear plastic bags with you as the Customs & Excise are going to charge for them in future so that you can needlessly put your bottles in them for no apparent reason except to satisfy their
stupidity in thinking its for 'safety against terrorism' ! Another load of bollocks! As is taking off your shoes as whenever I have taken them off they have hardly looked at them anyway!

AAhh at last its time to check in......to find your 2 lbs over in your baggage allowance...well thats another extortionate charge heading your way! The worst is RyanAir as they charge for everything! including not having any luggage at all!

By the time you take off, the money in your pocket had already been thieved to such an extent its almost cost you the holiday!

There is a good reason the World describes us as Rip - Off Great Britain!

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To Tourists this is the land of Tulips, Wooden shoes and Cheese, however the Dutch are not fooled as they know you have come for the drugs and the ladies in the windows in the Red Light District.Both are freely available in huge quantities and are very easy to find. Ask any Dutch person, 6 years or older! lol

All Dutch people speak excellent English but sometimes you may hear words that sound like dutch and make some sense to you,These are normally British or German Tourists.

The Walletjes area is where you will find the naughty windows with some very young and very lovely women who are available for set prices for a short while. But be aware!...That lovely and beautiful slim Asian with the great body is quite often....a boy! Cameras are not tolerated as you will find out if you point it at any of them when a big gorilla suddenly appears and takes it off you! There is seldom any trouble here as it is tightly controlled and is safe. Voorburgwal and Achterburgwal are where the main windows are sited. Along this stretch you will also find the live sex shows that are popular with tourists,and are full most of the time. The sex museum is situated in Damrak and is worth the 2.5 euros entrance fee.
Amsterdam of course is famous for its Gay community which you cant avoid as it is openly displayed everywhere. There are numerous cinemas and Saunas catering to every deviance imaginable. here sticking a finger in a dike has other connotations! Double Dutch also takes on a new meaning! lol

As you walk along the numerous canals, especially in the Red light Area, you will suddenly be joined by an amiable black person who cheerfully asks you if you want some drugs, if you say no, he will ask you why not ? and if you insist you don't want any off him, he will suddenly start abusing you. Take no notice and walk away, it very rarely amounts to anything but soft intimidation. If you are foolish enough to say yes to him, you will walk away with not what is cocaine but a wrap of glucose or sugar or some other concoction. These crooks are everywhere and rely on your naivety to fill their wallets up. If you want drugs ask the doorman at your hotel and it will be delivered to your room in safety.
Never buy on the street. Drug related deaths in Holland are the lowest in Europe and although the hard ones like Cocaine and heroin are still illegal, the police turn a blind eye if you have less than 7 grammes on you. There are of course 'Brown' shops, which are cafes selling various forms of marijuana and have a menu on the table as you sit down. This is legal but again very tightly controlled. You may find these 'shops' easily as the customers sitting inside are usually looking up at the ceiling watching the flying elephants playing a game of football, with large spliffs in their mouth! Very few Dutch are addicts as because everything is freely available, they don't want it! The glamour is waned and there is no rush to get stoned as its boring to them. Britain should learn from this place.

The best thing about Amsterdam is the numerous cultural places available that are free. Rembrandt's 'Nightwatch' is free to see in the Rembrandt Museum.There is also Anne Franks House which you do have to pay for but cant be missed. A trip on the barges is worthwhile once, as you will pass the Cats hotel, a barge that houses homeless cats! There are a lot of markets including the famous flower market near the Munt Tower. My favourite is the Waterloo Square market ( Flea Market) which is mainly 2nd hand goods but in good condition and a tenth of what it would cost in the shops! If you are a porn person, heres the place to increase your collection as its 10 for the price of one in the shops! lol But they are amazing antiques on sale here.
The Arctic Zoo is fantastic and will keep you occupied for most of the day especially the marine section which is housed in a huge building.

A nice walk to take in most of the sights would be to walk up Damrak Square and turn left into Rokin and walk down to the Munt Tower, from there you can walk to Leidsplein, where there is always street performers plying their trade and amusing the throngs of appreciating tourists.
There a huge array of eating houses supplying many different types of world dishes but my favourite is the Argentinian meat restaurants, especially the one in the street at the side of The Krasnapolsky hotel,Gauchos, run by Indians! lol There you can get a set steak meal for less than £6 per head.

Holland has a very low crime index, probably because here fewer things are considered a crime lol As in England though, exceeding the speed limit in your car brings a huge amount of attention and a considerable fine.

The Dutch are proud of their country and their brave fight against the Germans in the last war. They will point out that they always come second in everything including every war they have fought! lol The national football team has won more medals for being runner up than any other nation and even if they failed to win more Gold medals in the Olympics, they have at least the satisfaction of knowing they supplied all the drugs to the countries that did! Which is enough to make them proud to be a Hollander!
This a fascinating and very worthwhile City but as everywhere, have your wits about you.....a fool and his money are easily parted and this City certainly puts you to the test!

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But only if you're under 4 foot tall, !
The "Peek-A-Boo" Pole Dancing Kit was moved to the childrens "fitness" section at Tesco, in case you know some 6 year old in need of earning cash for her boyfriend. Wow!
Isnt this more dangerous than leaving it where it was ?

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One of the locals showing off!

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Thats me on the left! Duh!

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SIDE
When I first visited Antalya I went to a little place called Side, which consisted of just one lokanta (restaurant) and 1 pansyion! Today there is a mass of Holiday hotels stretching miles! Wish I had taken up the offer of buying one in 1982 for £15,000!! Side is about 80Km from the Airport at Antalya and you can either take a Taxi which should cost you no more than about £15. Ok if there are 4 of you but otherwise go to the bus station and get a ticket from there (including refreshments and a snack!) for about £2.
Side today is a tourist trap with plenty of wily Turks to relieve you of any Lira you may have in your pocket. There are constant arm pulling and cajoling you to enter various shops to buy inferior merchandise at vastly inflated prices! In fact it can be very annoying and may stretch your temper to extremes at times when you are accosted about 60 times within a stretch of 200 yards .Best not to lose your temper though and politely walk away while being abused in Turkish and English too as all of them speak it!! Lol
Just nod your head while raising your eyebrows at the attackers and say 'YOKE!'......they will soon leave you alone as they think you can speak Turkish and know they are trying to con you! Lol
There are 2 main beaches in Side and the better one for swimming and snorkelling is 'Buyuk Plage' (Big Beach) where the water is superb and if you are clever enough to take a little bread in with you, hordes of fish will eat out of your hands!
The water is very calm and very warm!! It is one of my most favourite places in the world for swimming and relaxing on the beach.
An attended sunbed will cost you about £2 for the entire day and you will be waited upon and brought cold drinks and food throughout the day at any time you want to click your fingers!! Lol
Side also has a good museum which has the ‘Three Graces’ quite a famous Roman piece and also the Roman Arena from which you can get panoramic views of the Town.
If you want to shop for bargains, go to Manavghat about 5 miles away in a Dolmus, a communal taxivan which costs 50p. There are many markets there but be careful of the watch sellers as they will not only sell you fakes (acceptable) but even worse may accuse you of stealing as well! Be careful!

The only place I now like in SIDE is the Buyuk Plage as there if you close your eyes, the sound of the sea and the heat of the sun has not changed over the years. Side is ok for a few days as the location is good for hiring a car and exploring but best to move on to Alanya or Antalya itself which is a very beautiful city, especially the harbour.

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Tomorrow I will write about one of my favourite places in the world....Antalya in Turkey.

Laid bare and uncut without anything hidden. naughty parts and nice parts and everything you probably didnt know! Hope they let me back! lol

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